Learning to keep my cool

Forward Note: Hey guys. I’m so excited to debut my hubby on my blog! He is the sweetest guy on Earth! He loves great conversation, but of weary of social media. He’d rather face-to-face interactions. You won’t see him all of time, but rest assured he’s always here. He loves us more than anything, and we love our Cocoa King! He doesn’t enjoy writing, but he understood how important it was to get a dad’s perspective of what we have been going through before, and since Dilly’s ASD diagnosis. If you have any questions for him, feel free to email me, or submit a question at the bottom of the blog, and I will forward the messages on to him. As always, thank you all for your continued love and support. 

Sharon

 Social Media:

FB- Sharon Maynard-Douglas

Instagram- Shaymaydoug

Twitter- cocoaslpmom

Email: maynard1280@gmail.com

My wife asked if I could express my feelings about our special son, Dylan. When Dill was 2, I noticed he was different from when Darien was 2. He did not play with others, and always kept to himself with no interest in interacting with other children.  He also had very low language skills.   I know children develop at different rates, but as I was starting to become concerned.  My wife was already looking in to it. I knew of Autism, and now I have to learn how to raise my son, who doesn't really know how to express himself, or explain what he wants.

  

I'm not a very patient person, and there have been times where I just blow up. I remember one outing in particular. We were heading downtown to meet up with my wife, and our oldest son. I had picked up Dylan from school, and ran a few errands with him. I was already tired, and frustrated about not being able to take care of all of my business for that day. When were all together, we decided to take the boys out for dinner at a restaurant. We each went in our own cars (I had Dilly, and Sharon had Darien). Dylan did not like that he was going in my car and he wanted to go with my wife, so he started to cry, scream, and yell for my wife. Here I am frustrated with the many things I had to do that day, and having him screaming in my ears. The sound is just bouncing off the walls in my car. At this point, he is hysterical, and I can't calm him down.  So, I yell at him telling him just scream and let it out. My wife (who was driving in her car behind me) sees this and asked me to pull over and let her take him, which I did. I was just angry with him and frustrated because I work such long hours, and I only get 2 days off to squeeze in all of my errands. I lost it, and I let it out on him.  When I got back in my car, I felt like shit as a father because I lost control and ripped into him. He just wanted to be with my wife. Yelling, screaming, and crying is the way he knows how to express himself.  I should not have lost it, but I'm only human. To Dill, he got what he wanted which was to be with Sharon. Once he was with her, everything was ok to him, and we continued to our dinner, which was a really good. Dylan enjoyed himself too.

What I do now is take a step back and try to understand how he perceives things and situations, so I can explain it to him or help calm him down.  A few weeks ago, we went to an indoor water park. Last summer, you simply could not keep him out of the water. This summer, he did not want to be around it at all. As the park started to get packed, Dylan started to act up. Not in a behavioral way, but more in the lines of an uncomfortable way. He doesn't like loud noises. With the sound of children laughing, screaming, playing, parents talking, water splashing and various other sounds echoing through the indoor park, Dylan just had enough and, started screaming. I picked him up as he was screaming, and calmly talked to him as I held him close, but he stop screaming. I explained to him that it's OK that you don't like the noise, and that you need a break.  As I was doing this, I maintained my composure so I wouldn't lose it, because he was screaming really loudly in my ears. I took him to a quiet corner, and he eventually calmed down, and took a nap in my arms. There are good days, and bad ones. I just learn from the bad days so we can have more good ones.

Signed,

Damian

I have to mention my oldest son, Darien. I love both of my boys. They mean everything to me